"You Are The Difference"

There's been a change of culture in the shop where I work. Gone are the old-fashioned virtues of treating customers with respect and as individuals; now, under the influence of a motivational retail guru, we engage in playing mind-games with them. In the past, we'd ask if they needed assistance; now we stand there, hovering around them, smiling beatifically and saying nothing. No wonder our figures are down on last year.
The motivational programme is called You Are The Difference, and it's the brainchild of Alf Dunbar, a purveyor of banal homilies, spurious factoids and inane psycho-babble. Although none of it actually stands up to any kind of analytical scrutiny, he's been able to make a career out of peddling his ideas around the retail sector for a few years now, generating an almost religious belief among his followers, and encouraging them to sign up to his regular tweets. I get sooooo excited when Alf replies or re-tweets, one shop manager wrote. Perhaps she should get a life.

Here's a few more of his bon mots:

Life has no remote, get up and change it yourself.

Sometimes you make choices in life, and sometimes choices make you.

Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow.

The only one who can tell you "you can't" is you, and you don't have to listen.

and so on.

What the hell is he talking about? It's like listening to somebody doing an impersonation of Rabbi Lionel Blue on speed. The sad and rather annoying thing is that the company I work for has been brainwashed by it all, has spent thousands of pounds on this junk, and are in danger of losing the goodwill of the retail assistants who, in the end, have to make it all work.

I'm looking for another job.